iHad a secret
by baronvonmilo
Summary: The iCarlys reveal their deepest darkest secrets. What do Carly and Spencer have to hid? We will find the truth out about Sam and Freddies fathers. And what exactly does Gibbys mother do for a living?
1. Chapter 1

Greetings all from Baron land. Here is a little story that I hope will entertain you. This should be a two part story.

**A/N **I in no way shape or form own iCarly,I just own my demented ideas.

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><p>"And were clear" said Freddie.<p>

They had just finished another episode of iCarly.

Carly asked "do you guys want to order some pizza and watch some movies?"

Freddie answered as he stashed away his equipment "Sorry I have an emergency meeting of the _Training Bros." _ Then he dashed out the door.

"How about you Sam, let's have a girls night out."

"Sorry cupcake I have a P.E.T.A. meeting."

Carly scrunched her face up and looked at Sam. "You belong to P.E.T.A.?"

"Ya, People for the Eating of Tasty Animals." Then Sam rushed out the door.

Now this had aroused Carlys curiosity. It seemed like the last month or so her two best friends had been ditching her. Just last week she was desperate enough to go the movies with Gibby. They ended up going to the Neptune Theater to see an audience participation version of "_Attack of the Killer Tomatoes."_ Gibby came as Mason Dixon, and Carly came as Lois Fairchild. It wasn't the highlight of Carlys week, but it sure beat sitting home with Spencer, and playing "_What am I."_

Carly headed downstairs.

She found Spencer was working on his latest sculpture. "What are you making?" She asked.

"Well" Spencer answered "It's either _a tribute to the love of a man and woman, _or_ two hamsters fighting over a burrito."_

"Oh" said Carly. She really didn't understand most of her brother's works of art, but she did know he was very talented. After all he could draw a bunny one handed.

"Say what's going on with Sam and Freddie? They ran out of here like the Dorfmans were coming over."

"I don't know" said Carly. "I really haven't seen much out of them lately. It's like they are up to something, and I'm not included. I suspect they might be going out together."

"Now why would you say that?"

"The only time I really see them is when we do iCarly. Even in school I only see them when we have a class together. If I try to call or pm them they never answer. They had promised there would never be any more secrets between us. Right now I am so mad at them I could just spit."

Spencer sat Carly down on the couch and looked her in the eyes. "You know we haven't been so honest with them. Do you think it's time we told them our secret?"

Carly jumped up and turned her back to Spencer. "I don't know Spencer, what would they think?"

"There our friends, they would understand. Nothing will change. It is time they knew."

Carly sighed and sat down next to her brother "Your right, the sooner we do it the better."

Carly tracked down Freddie, Sam, and Gibby. It took a lot of doing but she got them to come over.

In about an hour Freddie, Sam and Gibby showed up. Carly had them all set on the couch.

"I know I have said there should be no secrets between, but there is and it's about time we bring them out in the open" Said Carly.

Freddie, Sam and Gibby shifted nervously in their seats, shooting glances at one another

Spencer took Carly by the hand then she continued "I know I have always been the one always saying there should be no secrets between friends." She looked each one of her friends in the eyes. "One of us has been keeping a huge one, and that someone is" she paused.

The three on the couch fidgeted looking like they had something to hide.

Carly finished her sentence "me".

They all stared in shock at her.

"You see Spencer and I are not really brother and sister. Spencer is really…my Dad."

The three let out a collective "WHAT?"

"Let me explain" said Spencer. "You all remember my old baby sitter Jenna? Well one night she was reading me that story about the monkey going to banana land. Well we kind of got into a tickle fight, one thing led to another, then nine months later Carly was born. Jenna wanted to give her up for adoption so my parents adopted her."

"Wow" said Sam "It looks like one lucky monkey made it to Banana Land."

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><p><strong>MORE AN ** APRIL FOOLS! I hope you enjoyed part one,stay tuned for part two. Where we will hear Gibby say "Your not the only monkey to make it to banana land."

The Baron


	2. iFind out the rest of the story

Greeting all. As promised here is the rest of the story. Just when you thought you knew all there was to know about the iCarlys, the skeletons start coming out of the closet. I hope you enjoy this.

**A/N **I don't own iCarly and if I did this is the kind of dribble you would be seeing.

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><p>As you remember last time Spencer reveled he was really Carly's dad and her mother was Jenna his babysitter.<p>

Now we pick up with a shocking revelation from Gibby.

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><p>Gibby spoke up "Spencer wasn't the only lucky monkey to make it to Banana land."<p>

Everyone turned their attention to Gibby.

"Do you remember that night when Jenna was over and we were watching scary movies?"

Spencer replied "Yes."

Gibby continued on "It was getting late and Jenna made Spencer and Carly go to bed. We started watching another movie and the old Gibby charm worked its magic. She just couldn't resist."

Gibby looked at Carly "It looks like you're going to have a baby brother or sister."

This was a bit too much for Carly to handle. Sure she liked Gibby, and even toyed with the idea of going out with him. But the thought of going out with her siblings' dad was just too weird.

Sam exclaimed "What is it about you and hot chicks? Are you working some of your mermaid magic on them?"

Gibby smiled and held his arms out and turned around in a circle. "Now who wouldn't want a piece of this?"

He continued on; "As long as we are talking about brothers I have a confession to make. Guppie is not my brother."

A wave of nausea flowed over everyone.

Sam slugged Gibby in the shoulder. "Are you some sort of perv?"

"HEY" Gib shouted "It's not what you think, let me explain. You all know my mom is a molecular biologist don't you?"

Spencer said "I thought she was a supermodel or an actress."

This upset Gibby. "You people are all the same, you look at us and you just can't see past the pretty face. Just because were beautiful doesn't mean were stupid. My mom was so happy with the way I turned out she wanted another one just like me. So she took a few of my cells and cloned me."

Freddie asked him "So you saying your mom can clone humans?"

"Easy as pie, in fact she is working on a way to change my Y chromosome to X. That way she can clone a daughter."

"There you go Freddork, maybe Gibbys mom can make you a girlfriend" Remarked Sam.

Freddie took a deep breath "I need to tell you all something."

Sam laughed "Look out I bet he's coming out of the closet."

Freddie glared at her. "Not exactly how I would have put it. You see I am not what I appear to be."

Sam said "You not a sorry excuse for a nub who can't get a date with a girl?"

Carly rebuked Sam "Be nice."

Then she went and sat down next to Freddie and put her arm around him. "It's ok; go on with what you were saying."

Freddie continued "You see my mom and I are hiding from my real mom and her family."

This puzzled everyone.

Carly asked him gently "You mean the woman you live with isn't your real mom?"

"No, she is really my dad."

Spencer was the first one to speak. "Your dad is your mom? So you're saying your dad is a transvestite?"

Freddie looked shocked. "NO! My dad is really a woman, not a weirdo!"

"Your mom is really your dad who is pretending to be your mom, and he is a she" Asked Sam.

"Kind of" Replied Freddie.

"Dude, you are starting to make Gibby seem normal."

"Yah" added Gibby "You make me look normal."

"Maybe I better explain" said Freddie. "You see my real mother is the daughter of a Columbian drug lord. My dad didn't know it when he married her. After I was born my Grandfather demanded we move to Columbia to live, and my dad would become part of the family business."

Sam remarked "This is better than Springer".

Carly shushed her. "Go on Freddie."

"My dad didn't want to have any part of that, but if he didn't go along with it they would kill him. He acted like he would go through with it. It came time for us to go, and we went to the airport. As we were boarding the plane my dad told my mom he left his brief case in the waiting area and that our tickets were in it. So my mom boarded the plane. My dad took me and boarded a plane to Seattle."

"Blah blah blah get on to the good stuff, your starting to bore me" said Sam

Freddie took a deep breath and continued. "My dad had a plan; first we moved to Seattle and changed our names. Then my dad had a brilliant idea. He knew they would be looking for us so he had a sex change."

This bit of news even shut Sam up.

"This part is really hard for me talk about. Benson is not our real name. You see they were looking for Lars and Olga Steffensen, not Marissa and Fredward Benson."

Carly asked him "Isn't Olga a girl's name?"

Freddie looked at Carly "You see I am really a girl."

Sam spoke up "Well that does explain why you're such a wimp."

Carly looked at Freddie "I don't believe it. You have an Adams Apple, and….uh….. you seem to have all the right equipment."

"The Adams Apple is a surgical implant, and the equipment is a prosthesis. I have been taking male hormones up till about a month ago. I was at the point I had to quit taking the hormones or I would never develop into fully functioning woman."

"I still don't believe you" said Carly.

Freddie stood up and faced Carly and opened up his shirt.

"Ok I believe you."

"I hope this doesn't change the way you all feel about me" said Freddie.

"It doesn't" said Sam "I still think you a loser and a nub."

Gibby spoke up "I can't believe all those times we slept over ate each other's houses. You saw me naked."

Sam slapped Gibby on the shoulder "don't put that picture in my head."

Freddie walked over to Gibby "You know things don't have to change between us, we can still be buds."

Gibby stuck out his fist for a knuckle punch "Your right Freddie we shouldn't let this change anything."

Freddie gave him a big hug. Call me Olga. He looked intently into Gibbys eyes "you know I never noticed before what a handsome guy you are."

Gibby smiled and said "You're not so bad yourself. Would you like to step into my dark room and see what develops?"

Olga (or the person formally known as Freddie) giggled. "I bet you say that to all the girls."

Sam shouted out "ENOUGH I THINK I'M GOING TO PUKE BLOOD. If I tell you my secret will you two quit it?"

Now everyone focused on Sam.

"I know none of you have ever met my dad, but you all know him."

Everyone looked at Spencer.

"No you imbeciles. You see my mom used to live in Washington DC, and she got a job as an intern to the President."

"Your mom was an intern?" asked Olga (or the person formally known as Freddie).

"Your mom actually had a real job" Asked Carly?

"Yes, she was an intern to Bill Clinton."

"I can see that" said Carly.

"You all know how my mom feels about men, especially those with money and power. One night they were working late, and he asked my mom "_How would you like to be the other woman? I know you don't think your good enough for me, but you are."_ Well nine months later Melanie and I were born. He moved us to Seattle to get us out of the way."

"Do you ever see him" asked Carly?

"Yes, he comes out about once a year. He stays at the _Hotel Six _under the name of Dirk Diggler. We usually hang out in the maul and eat junk food."

"Do you think we could meet him" asked Carly?

"Sure, he will be out in June for the wedding."

"Who's getting married your mom?"

Sam realized that she had just let the cat out of the bag. "Well I suppose you all had to find out eventually, I am getting married."

Carly was shocked. "Sam you're only seventeen. Are you pregnant?"

"Well Cupcake seventeen is practically an old maid if your part hillbilly."

"You didn't answer my question. Are you pregnant?"

Sam hung her head and whispered "Yes."

"Who's the father" Carly demanded?

"Spencer."

Carly glared at her brother (and father). She walked over and slapped him. "How could you do such a thing? She is my best friend."

Sam stepped in between the siblings. "I am going to be your mother. Spencer and I are in love, and you're just going to have to accept that."

Carly plopped down on the floor. This was getting too much to handle. She had two siblings on the way; one of them would also be her niece or nephew. Her best friend was going to be her step mom and sister-in-law. To top it off her potential boyfriend turned out to be a girl and hooked up with her other potential boyfriend.

Carly stood up, and grabbed a chair. "I am going to go upstairs and take a long shower and sort things out."

As she headed up the stairs she turned around and looked at every one. "The next time I tell you we should all be honest with one another and hold nothing back, just lie to me!"

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><p><strong>More AN: **Thus ends my April fools story. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I will be back next week with the latest installment of iFind Luv.

The Baron


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